I was twenty-five years old when our first child was born. My grandma Madeline died that same year; she was 73 years old at the time. That twenty-five year old me thought 73 was far into the future. After all, it was almost three times the number of years I had already lived in my lifetime.
Funny how our perception of age and years change as we get older.
My mother lived much longer than Grandma Madeline. For one thing she took better care of herself. Grandma had lived a sedentary life and smoked for as long as I knew her. Mom lived to age 96; her final years spent lost in Dementia.
In twenty-five years, I will be the same age as Mom was when she died—if I live that long.
Twenty-five years ago, it was 2001. The same year the Twin Towers were hit. The same year Don and I lost our restaurant and had to rebuild our lives. It was also our daughter’s first year of college, and she was still living at home with us.
Maybe to some that sounds like a lifetime—in the same way twenty-five years seemed like a lifetime to me when I had my first child.
But now?
2001 feels more like a yesterday. All the cliches come to mind: In the blink of an eye. Gone in a heartbeat. Quick as a flash. Where did the time go? In a New York minute. The years fly by. Time flies when you are having fun. Time waits for no one…
I am not trying to sound macabre. I am simply reflecting and facing the reality of the time I might have left in this lifetime.
Death doesn’t scare me because I sincerely believe my time here is simply part of my journey. However, that doesn’t mean I am anxious to move on or ready to go.
Sometimes I feel as if I am standing by an open doorway watching the people I love rush by me, busy in their daily lives. I smile as they pass me by, happy to see they seem healthy, happy, and well loved.
As they rush by, they might give me a quick wave, a nod, or blow me a kiss. Sometimes one shouts back that soon we can spend more time together. Sometimes I’m the one who shouts it to them as they pass by.
But I know that from now to “soon” is much closer than they realize, and the time beyond that is shorter still.
(Above photo: Bobbi and her oldest child.)