Friendship: Important in Haunting Danielle and Real Life

Mom has a friend.

Fans of the Haunting Danielle series often tell me, reading a new book in the series is like visiting with old friends. It’s one of the things they like about the series—the friendships that developed from the first book to the one I released a few months ago—Book 32, The Ghost of the Wedding Crasher.

Friends are important in real life too. As I have written about in this blog, my mother, who is 95 years old, has vascular dementia, and we had to recently move her into a memory care home. One thing that has been hard for Mom—something that began when she still lived with us—is that she has lost so many of her friends. Only a few remain, like my sister’s mother-in-law, Florence, who is 101.

Like Mom, Florence lives in a memory care facility. But she is in California, and Mom is in Oregon. While they can no longer visit each other, we do arrange Facetime chats, so they can visit face to face.

Yet, it still isn’t the same as having a friend you can hang out with. Someone of your generation. While having devoted children and grandchildren who keep in constant touch is a blessing—one not afforded to all seniors—it does not replace friendships.

Mom moved into her care home on May 1. I hooked up her iPad to a super long cord, and explained to her to keep it plugged in like a phone. Our son put shortcuts on her iPad, to make it as easy as possible for her to call certain family members. (Sometimes she remembers how to do it, other times the caregivers there help her.)

The first month was excruciating. After moving Mom into the home, I literally cried for two days. It killed me seeing her so sad. But after my surgery on the 3^rd, I stopped crying. (I suspect the pain meds mellowed me out). But poor Mom would tearfully ask my sister to come get her. She seemed to remember I had just had surgery, so she didn’t ask me. But on some days, she would wake up and not know where she was, so they would call me and I would have to calm Mom down.

I visited Mom for the first time on Mother’s Day. Since then, I’ve gone once a week and spend 4-5 hours with her per visit. 

But something happened about a month into her stay. She stopped crying. She stopped begging to come home. She smiled and seemed to have settled in. Since then, she has only had one meltdown, and that was after waking up and having no idea where she was or why.

Mom didn’t call me or my sister yesterday, which was unusual. She calls every day, yet the calls are starting to come later and later in the day. This only happened one other time. So, I did what I did after that last time, I called the home the next day and asked them to help Mom call me.

But instead of the reply I received the last time—I was surprised. The lady chuckled and told me Mom didn’t forget me, but she has a new friend. A new resident moved in. Her name is Barbara. And she and Mom have become buddies—chatting, walking the halls together, and visiting each other’s rooms.  The woman from the care home told me how adorable it was, and the two are so cute together. 

I told her to have Mom call me anytime today—when it’s convenient. If she is enjoying herself doing something, don’t interrupt her.

As soon as I hung up, I called my sister and gave her the news.

Mom has a friend.

My sister cried.

I didn’t cry. But I can’t stop smiling. 

(Photo: Mom on May 1, 2023, before we leave for her new home.)